My
moment of insight today came from a tweet by Dan Rockwell:
Complainers have more goals for others than they have for themselves. #leadership
— Dan Rockwell (@Leadershipfreak) April 19, 2014
Four years ago, at a seminar with Katherine Woodward Thomas, I learned about the difference between expectations (what I expect to happen) and intentions (what I intend to do). Having an intention is a proactive process. Having expectations is the adoption of a passive attitude. While what I learned then was about where our power lies – with expectations that power is handed over to others – this tweet made it all more clear to me:
Intentions are about our own
goals; the goals, the desired outcome, that we choose to commit to and move forward from
that point. Expectations are about the goals we set for others. Once these
expectations are not met – meaning that the other person has failed to meet the goals we've set for them – bitterness, disappointment and complaints set in.
I used to be a complainer for
many years until I discovered that that was unfair to everyone. I projected an
unsolicited load onto others and at the same time I was not acknowledging myself the ability to have full control over the direction of my life.
Be fair: set your own goals. Be
accountable for your own goals and actions and let others decide what they
want and need their goals and responsibilities to be. We can and should be the masters of only one life: our own.
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